I was traveling and having a wonderful trip when suddenly, I heard it. The loudest, most sudden intrusion invaded my consciousness. The unspeakable, that which shall not be named. The wildest and unfathomable chaos filled my senses.
A baby cried somewhere far in the back of the plane. I thought I would be able to hold myself together until I heard myself screaming.
I was mortified to be an adult man, screaming, and I was trapped 30,000 feet in the sky. You may imagine yourself screaming uncontrollably with no escape and for seemingly no reason. This can be my reality in the blink of an eye -- or in this case, in the cry of a baby.
I am over-empathetic. I simply cannot take the hysterics of others without creating hysterics of my own. In those moments, I feel completely unlovable. I am aware of my disturbance and of how I must appear. It terrifies me, and you know how helpful fear can be...so the problem is perpetuated.
To make what seemed like a long story, short... I survived. No one got upset with me. With all the trauma of the ordeal, I am stronger and less afraid, having survived the hardship.
Please don't pity me; just understand. That's why I wrote this: To rally some understanding for people like me who struggle with things you can't see.
Gotta go catch a plane....
Hi Kaegan! My son Benjie and I met you and your mom when you came to Benjamin's Hope in Michigan. I am so happy you shared this. Benjie cries every time he hears his little brother cry, and it's just something that happens, there's no right or wrong about it. Don't be ashamed, my friend! Hope to meet you and your mom again someday! -Amanda (and Benjie) S.
ReplyDeleteI am screaming from your vivid description. I learned to be kind to myself, and others follow my lead. Sending love.
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